literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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