I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
