last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
