I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
