just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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