Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
