he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
