You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
