hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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