Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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