I look better un-naked...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
