She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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