What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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