I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
