Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
