Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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