I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
