So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
