i just had sex bonerless
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
