ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
babies were throwing up all over the place
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
