May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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