I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
