Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
