Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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