does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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