there's paper in my vomit.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
