Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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