'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
