U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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