8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
