My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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