dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
