my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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