It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
