Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
