Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
