I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
