That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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