cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
