After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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