I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
