Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
