do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
