Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
