apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
