i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
