My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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