That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
