i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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