are you still at the devil's house?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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